Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
