Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
