Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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