God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So squirting runs in the family.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
