I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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