let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
