yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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