I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
