The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
