I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Enjoy the penises
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
