I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
