he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
