it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Someone shit on the floor
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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