I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize