the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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