i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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