Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
