I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
