Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
