I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
