ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
