Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
