We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
