i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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