btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize