i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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