Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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