Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
