Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
