this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
