So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
