those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
