Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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