I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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