I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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