My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My balls are so social today.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
