I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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