If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
