That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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