Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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