So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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