You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
