there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
