in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
