i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
