every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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