No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
