I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
