There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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