I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
