Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
