why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize