My underwear smells like fireworks.
false alarm. still invincible.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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