it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
