i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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