She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
