the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
