Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
