Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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