i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize