Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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