i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
