It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
