Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
