He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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