I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
