One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
