Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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