rhymes with "ouble enetration"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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