thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
