go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
