She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
