Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
