Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
