can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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